


John, Dave, and Me

by Faded_Smiles



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Crushes, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Humor, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love at First Sight, M/M, Master/Pet, Masturbation in Shower, Orgasm, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Romance, Sexual Fantasy, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27948404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faded_Smiles/pseuds/Faded_Smiles
Summary: Shit gets real when Dirk falls ass-backwards in love with the new guy in town. His name is John Egbert. The problem? He only has eyes for Dirk’s big bro, Dave.
Relationships: Dirk's Bro | Alpha Dave Strider/John Egbert, John Egbert/Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 15
Kudos: 30
Collections: DirkJohn Big Bang 2020





	1. Strider Bros

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! I'm proud to contribute to the **[DirkJohn Big Bang 2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/dirkjohnbigbang2020)**. I love these two dorks so much. This is my first fanfic for Homestuck. While I'm relatively new to the fandom in the grand scheme of things, you're stuck with me now forever. >:3
> 
> A big special thanks to my best friend, **KodouKat** , who you can find on **[lnstagram](https://www.instagram.com/kodou.kat.13/)** and **[DeviantArt](https://www.deviantart.com/kodoukat)**! 💖  
> She contributed a beautiful piece of art in the third chapter. Check it out **[here](https://www.deviantart.com/kodoukat/art/DirkJohn-BB-John-Dave-and-Me-Bench-863495340)** if you'd like to see it now, or wait until you get to chapter 3. There also may be more artwork to come from the lovely **[koro.kami](https://www.instagram.com/koro.kami/)**.  
>    
> Also, a huge thanks to the incredible **[ectobaby](https://www.instagram.com/ectobaby/)** for organizing this event! I'm always astounded by this man's productivity. Dude's got so many irons in the fire. You might even say he's got splinters all the way down. 👀
> 
> PS: Thank you, _siiis_ , for helping me proofread. :'3
> 
> PPS: Here's a **[playlist](https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/john-dirk-and-me/pl.u-aZb0gg9tPy5Zlq)** for the story via Apple Music! I'll update this note later with YouTube and Spotify versions.

_Are you still watching “My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic?”_

A young man lied in bed with the covers pulled up to his chin. In his arms, he held his best friend to his chest while staring at the 52” flatscreen TV mounted to the wall. His best friend wasn’t human; it was a puppet named Lil Cal, who hugged the young man back with his long noodly arms. He wore a constant smile that most would find creepy. However, Dirk Strider wasn’t most people.

“Ugh. Fuck you, Netflix.” Dirk shifted, sitting up and setting Cal in the vacant spot beside him. He groped around the bed for the remote. His spiky blond locks stuck out far more than usual in a glorious bedhead.

Outside of his bedroom door, a familiar knocking occurred in the rhythm of “Shave and a Haircut.” It cut off right before the “two-bits” part, as that portion of the knock always belonged to the person behind the door. If the person behind the door finished the knock, that gave the green light to come in.

Dirk obliged his big bro by finishing the knock on his end table.

Dave opened the door to Dirk’s room and stood in the entrance. “Yo, lil man.” He looked fucking immaculate as always, a sharp contrast from his tired little brother. He wore a black long-sleeved button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a red tie that would make Billie Joe circa American Idiot era of Green Day proud. Also, he rocked Ben Stiller’s aviators from _Starsky & Hutch _ for ironic effect. “Binging ponies again?”

“Caught me red handed.” Dirk shifted into a sitting position. He rubbed at his face, feeling naked without his shades. “I’m aware of the time.”

A playful smirk appeared onto Dave’s lips. “I think you’re more aware of every line that comes out of Rainbow Dash’s mouth. Never know when you’re gonna need to quote that shit, am I right?”

Dirk avoided Dave’s gaze and focused on the nearby end table. He located his pointy anime shades that emulated the boss of the Squirtle Squad and put them on. “Hey, my interest in them now is strictly academic. A cartoon about ponies that lasted for nine seasons? There’s something special about that… It wasn’t just a complete cash grab. The show imparted moral lessons and lacks so much of the cynicism you find in today’s television.”

Dave kept smirking. He walked into Dirk’s room from the doorway and went over to his bedside. “Uh-huh.” He ruffled Dirk’s hair. “You know, it’s fine to still like them unironically. No judgement zone.”

On one hand, Dirk soaked up the brotherly love. On the other hand, his embarrassment lingered, so he forced himself to nudge Dave’s hand away. “Dave… I’m not a little kid anymore.” He attempted to smooth out his hair some, but the damage had already been done between lying down for hours and Dave’s meddling.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Dave sat down at the foot of Dirk’s bed, their shades connecting. “Well, okay. I’m not gonna lie. Part of me always still sees that little dude who used to fit in my arms like a loaf of bread. You know, the one with the widest eyes who stared at everything like he was already analyzing every aspect of the world despite being a fucking newborn.” Warmth seeped through each of his words despite the expletive.

“Can we please wrap this up before it turns into one of your hour long monologues?” Dirk asked, a tiny smirk of his own starting to creep onto his lips. He and Dave teased each other sometimes, but it was all in good fun. When push came to shove, they would fight to the end for one another.

Dave reached over and clapped Dirk on the shoulder before letting his hand fall. “My point is don’t be afraid to be yourself, lil bro. Sounds like something straight from the horse’s mouth, huh? The horse, in this case, being those ponies you love oh-so-much. Let your freak Rainbow Dash flag fly. I wanna see you spread those unicorn wings and take flight, complete with the gay rainbow tail billowing in the breeze behind you.”

“Pegasus wings, Dave. Rainbow Dash is a pegasus. C’mon, man. That’s pony 101.”

Dave chuckled. “Hell yeah. Just keep being you.” His smirk had softened into a genuine smile.

Funnily enough, so had Dirk’s.

Even with the Striders’ deep appreciation of the fine art of irony, Dave valued honesty and open communication between the two of them, which Dirk appreciated immensely. The same couldn’t be said about their parents, who played games with each other all the time. Instead of getting a divorce, they both relied far too much on alcohol––to the point of being alcoholics, really. No wonder Dave never kept a drop of booze around their pad. At age eighteen, he managed to save up enough working days at Target and nights at Domino’s as a delivery boy to move out of that hellhole and take Dirk with him, who’d only been eight at the time.

They may have only had ten years between them, but Dave looked after Dirk far more than their parents ever had. Fortunately, they also had some assistance from Dave’s best friend, Rose, who also lived with them in the days of the tiny one-bedroom apartment. She became an aunt of sorts to Dirk, and she helped out so Dave could cut back on his hours to spend more time with Dirk. While they struggled financially, Dirk welcomed living in a safe place where nobody screamed at each other.

Cut to fifteen years later, AKA the present. Dave and Rose were both successes; Dave ran his hip cafe, cleverly dubbed Lava Java, and Rose was an accomplished fantasy novelist. Rose lived happily with her partner, Kanya, now, while Dave and Dirk lived in a dope Houston penthouse apartment only a block away from Lava Java.

Dave and Rose’s achievements both awed and inspired Dirk. However, sometimes at 3 AM, the weird thoughts crept in. You know, the ones where Dirk felt lost in Dave’s shadow and wondered whether he had an identity outside of being Dave’s little brother. Then logic dictated that made no sense. Dave constantly encouraged him to be himself and to follow his dreams. He loved living his best life with Dave, too. It was just… What? Avarice? A strange part of him yearning for more? But he didn’t even know what more he could want. If he thought about it logically, he had everything he needed to be happy. 

He did all he could to ignore the restlessness within him. Hence, binge watching the ultimate comfort show: _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_.

Dave executed two pitch perfect snaps a short distance away from Dirk’s face. “Yo. Still awake?” he asked, his brows furrowing with a hint of concern.

Dirk jolted out of his reverie and folded his arms across his chest. “As if I’d really sleep with my shades on.”

“Why don’t you get your four hours?” Dave asked. 

His older brother tended to refer to his night’s sleep as such. Dirk never slept for long. Probably hadn’t since his late teens. That restlessness within him made him spend most nights doing almost everything but sleep. Binging shows, crafting smuppets, tinkering with robotics, practicing his form with his katana… There was just always so much to do besides catching Z’s.

“I can open solo, and Hope’s coming in at 8,” Dave said, reaching in close to Dirk’s face in an effort to take off his shades––a habit that lingered from Dirk’s childhood back when Dave used to do so every night while he tucked Dirk in.

Dirk held up his hand in front of Dave’s to stop him. “No.” He shook his head. “I’m fine. We work in a fucking cafe. One red eye and I’ll be on my way to serving all those commuting Karens. You know, the ones demanding their soy no-foam lattes, served precisely at 120 degrees, because menopause is a bitch and so are they. ”

“They just love to support local business, in spite of their corporate value loving hearts. I constantly thank god for the Karens,” Dave replied without missing a beat. “Alright. Then I’ll see you in ten. No time for legendary showers today.”

Dirk still sensed his worry. “I have never once fallen asleep in the shower.”

At least Dave was grinning now as he got to his feet. “Hey, man. I’m not about to ask what you do in there.” As he walked to the door, he paused, looking back from over his shoulder at Dirk. “And FYI, if you do end up needing a catnap, it’s fine to tap out. Home’s right around the corner.”

Dirk got out of bed and stretched. “Thanks for the 411, bro. Or should I say mom?” He looked back at Dave. “Now amscray. I’m a big boy and can put together my outfit all on my own.”

“You lil shit.” Dave chuckled and shut the door, leaving Dirk to his own devices for the next ten minutes.

* * *

Dirk came downstairs, sporting his white t-shirt with the orange hat, black jeans, and Demonia boots. Dave never enforced a strict dress code. The employees could express themselves however they wanted, so long as they wore the black apron with the Lava Java logo embroidered on it by Rose, as well as a nametag and closed toed shoes. Otherwise, he green-lighted everything else in terms of style. Piercings, funky hair colors, tats… Dave didn’t give a fuck. Dirk always admired his brother’s nondiscriminatory tastes. The corporate world could suck both of their dicks. Dave gave people chances, great wages, and benefits no matter what they looked like, so long as they seemed honest.

Dave looked up from his iPhone and smiled at Dirk. He was sitting on one of the barstools by their kitchen counter, an empty bowl of cereal in front of him. “Sick threads, bro.” He pocketed the phone and stood.

The toaster popped up with a couple Wildicious Pop-Tarts. Dave grabbed them and wrapped them up in a paper towel, passing them to Dirk.

Dirk accepted them. His brother never let him leave the house on an empty stomach. “Thanks.”

Dave flashed him a little smile. “Don’t sweat it. Now let’s rock.”

Together, they left the penthouse. Dave locked up behind them. As they rode the elevator down to the ground floor, Dirk gobbled up the first of his Pop-Tarts. The artificial berry filling, frosting, and crust created a symphony of flavors in his mouth.

“So you know that song ‘Moon River’?” Dave asked.

“Mhm,” Dirk answered with a mouthful. This was the norm. Dave always had something to talk about, even in the early hours of the morning. He never could stay quiet for long. Sometimes, Dirk even heard his big brother talk to himself.

“Dude, Aubrey Hepburn made it legendary in _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_. Just rewatched that last night. Pretty eclectic flick. There’s a lot there in that movie. I’d go as far to say it was fucking years ahead of it’s time. Probably because they based it on Capote's novella. Dude wrote some great shit. Also, the visuals in that movie. Man, pretty sure Aubrey invented the little black dress.”

Dirk listened to Dave go on. He never needed to say much when Dave chit-chatted. Some of his earliest memories as a baby were of Dave just talking for hours on end. While he sometimes teased Dave for this habit, he typically didn’t stop him. The endless chatter brought him plenty of comfort over the years. It even used to help lull him to sleep back when he was small. Dave always talked a lot to drown out their parents’ screaming matches. Sometimes, he’d rap. In the rare moments where Dave decided not to speak, he’d share his headphones with Dirk to lose themselves in some truly sick beats.

“But that’s another story. Back to the song,” Dave said, continuing to ramble. “Sure, she didn’t write it, but it was written for her. She absolutely nailed that performance in the movie. You know the scene, right? The one where she’s playing acoustically out on the fire escape, and the writer dude looks out his window and watches. Dude, it gives me chills every time. Doesn’t matter if it’s the tenth or thousandth time I’ve seen it.”

Man, he could have used a Dave lullaby last night. Dirk’s eyes fluttered for a moment beneath his shades. He pictured the movie scene from _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ that Dave gushed over. He’d make sure to watch TV with his brother tonight.

The elevator doors slid open. Dirk and Dave sauntered through the lobby of the apartment building. They both gave a little nod to the doorman on their way out. Dirk started on his second Pop-Tart while they began walking to Lava Java. The weather had finally started to cool down with the coming of autumn, making Huston habitable for once. During the worst days of summer, they sometimes took Dave’s car despite it being so close, just because they didn’t want to have sweat dripping down their backs. Or, you know, die of heatstroke.

“You better believe ‘Moon River’ won an Academy Award for Best Original Song and a Grammy for Song of the Year. Even though we know Hollywood’s a shitshow, it’s still pretty goddamn impressive. But what speaks more for the song’s legacy is the fact it’s been covered so many times. I mean, Andy Williams made it his own, too. Dude’s voice was like velvet.”

“Uh-huh,” Dirk said between bites.

“When I think about things like that, it gives me a deeper appreciation for the past. But it also makes me excited for what’s just around the corner.”

The Strider brothers came up to the outside of Dave’s coffee shop. Dave took out his keys and began to open the door. Dirk finished up his second Pop-Tart. He folded up the paper towel, wiping his hands on the unused side before tossing it in the nearby trash.

“Point is that you gotta stay in the present, because you’re never gonna be Bill Murray in _Groundhog Day_. You’re not gonna be stuck living the same fucking day over and over again. And you never know when the next Aubrey Hepburn or Andy Williams might come into the fold,” Dave said, a little smile on his lips. He succeeded in opening the door. He held it for Dirk. “And that’s why we host open mic night every Friday.”

“And here I thought you just had a hard-on for working overtime,” Dirk teased. He nodded his thanks at his brother before heading inside.

Lava Java married both of the Strider brothers’ tastes. Prints from Dave’s Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic hung proudly on the wall, as did Dirk’s drawings of Squarewave and Sawtooth. Smuppets also sandwiched themselves between succulents on shelves throughout the cafe. Lava Java’s open layout welcomed all in upon entering, with a cool toned porcelain floor and a warm brick wall. Tables for two filled out the space, with some cozy leather couches on a rug in the corner nearest to the entrance. Some bar style seating lined the opposite side of the cafe, with the actual coffee bar in the center of the place. Towards the back were tables with four seats, as well as a small stage in the corner for Friday’s open mic nights.

Dirk and Dave headed towards the center of the cafe. Behind the coffee bar was a door with a passcode. Dave punched in the code, and they went to the back area, which had a small kitchen, a break room, and an office that Dave rarely frequented. His brother tended to go where the action was, though the office was still good for keeping important files and having meetings on busy days where the cafe buzzed with noise.

The Striders punched in on the time clock in the break room and proceeded to open up the cafe. Dave served Dirk red eye, one part coffee and two parts espresso, before turning on the stereo system, pumping in some lo-fi hip-hop beats for the two of them to work to.


	2. [S] Dirk: Meet John.

The lack of sleep started to catch up to Dirk about fifteen minutes before closing time. He ignored Dave’s suggestion to take a half day, which he put on the table at least three times. As much as Dave cared, Dirk hated being coddled. He could take care of himself, and he didn’t need any special treatment being the boss’s little bro. However, he knew Dave would have extended the same kindness towards any of his employees who looked as burnt out as he did. His brother couldn’t help being the man.

“Uh, hey! What’s good here?”

Dirk heard the voice mid-yawn. He opened his eyes to see the face behind the voice. The sight of a young man around his age greeted him. He never saw someone with such bright, flawless skin before, which had a bit more pigment than Dirk’s. His almond shaped eyes suggested he had some Asian heritage, perhaps Japanese or Korean. His black wind-tossed hair and square shaped glasses only accentuated the ocean blue color of his eyes. Dirk already began to get lost staring into them. Even if Dirk took off his boots, the young man would stand several inches shorter than him.

“What?” Dirk asked, kicking himself a moment later as his tired and infatuated self processed the young man’s question.

But it was too late then. The young man sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh, well this is gonna sound stupid, but I’ve never really had coffee before!” He chuckled, revealing some gorgeous pearly whites with two slightly bigger front teeth that only added to his cuteness. “I guess because I always looked at it as some boring old man thing my dad drank before his morning commute.”

Dirk couldn’t stop staring. “Really?” His heart never beat so fast before. He always wrote off the idea of love at first sight as total bullshit, but now he found himself questioning what he thought he knew. He never felt so drawn to anyone before, like a moth to a flame.

“Yeah,” the cute customer answered. “So what’s your favorite drink, I guess? Or, uh, what’s something that’s not so gross and bitter?” He shrugged. “You know, like… What’s your best not-coffee-kind-of-coffee tasting drink?”

“Well,” Dirk began. His skin felt hot. Shit… Was he blushing? “I mean, there’s lattes. That’s got milk in it. We’ve also got different flavors you can add to sweeten it up. Like vanilla or caramel. Um, peppermint mochas might be up your alley, too. You know, if you like candy canes and hot cocoa. But that could be jumping the seasonal gun. Not that you can’t always order whatever you want, though, of course.” He spoke faster than usual and kept holding his breath. He felt self-conscious about breathing somehow in these strange moments, as fucked as that was. “Pumpkin spice is all the rage now.”

Why couldn’t he just confidently suggest a drink like always? Why did he have to ramble on?

“Fuck coffee.”

The sound of Dave’s voice made Dirk nearly jump out of his skin.

The cute customer gasped in surprise. “Huh? Whaddaya mean? This is a cafe! Isn’t coffee kinda your thing?”

Dave flashed the customer a million-dollar smile. “If you wanna get all technical about it, sure. I mean, I did name the place Lava Java.” He lowered his shades a slight bit, which Dirk watched from the corner of his eye. He saw Dave wink, revealing his ruby eyes to the customer. “But coffee ain’t my first love.”

“Then what is?” the customer asked, a rosy pink color rising to his cheeks.

Dave had totally captivated him. Dirk felt invisible.

“A lil drink I call Maurice’s Revenge.”

The young man suddenly lit up, which wasn’t the usual confused reaction most customers gave to Dave’s bizarre drink names. “Wait, ‘Maurice’ as in Howie Mandel’s character in _Little Monsters_?!” Then his face scrunched up in disgust. “Eww… Wait, don’t tell me you’re gonna piss in a coffee cup.”

Dave snickered. “Nah, c’mon. What kind of sick freak do you take me for?” He kept smiling. “On second thought, don’t answer that.” He leaned in closer to the customer, propping himself up nonchalantly with an elbow on the countertop. “I’m talking ‘bout the most choice hot apple cider you could ever drink. You know, complete with notes of cinnamon, whipped cream, caramel, and festive as fuck fall sprinkles on top.”

The customer relaxed and chuckled. “Oh, okay! Yeah, then one of those, please.”

Dave clapped Dirk on the shoulder. “Go ahead and ring this cool cat up for a medium Maurice’s Revenge, lil man. Don’t sweat it. I’ll make it.”

Tension radiated from Dirk’s stiff shoulders as he punched the customer’s order into the register. Even as he did, he saw the young man’s eyes mostly following Dave. “Total’s three twenty-five.”

The customer took out his wallet and used a debit card on the nearby card reader.

“Need a receipt?” Dirk asked. Despite feeling more like a figment of the cafe rather than a person, he hoped the customer said yes. Maybe then he could do something downright audacious, like jot his number down on the back.

The customer shook his head. “That’s okay! Thanks!” Then he practically skipped towards where Dave worked, a pep in his step.

Dave glanced up at the customer while he worked. “You know, this is the first time I’ve seen you around.”

“Yeah, well, probably because I just moved here from Seattle,” he said, frowning a bit. “As fun as it is to see a new town, it’s kinda lonesome. Just me and my dad.”

“Seattle, eh? Pretty ironic you never had coffee, considering that’s where Starbucks started.” Dave easily made the drink while keeping up a conversation. “I ain’t gonna drag them, seeing as that’s tacky as fuck. Remember when Pepsi used to try to do that shit to Coke?”

“I think I remember that,” the customer said, rubbing his chin in thought. 

Dave snorted. “You might be too young. Anyway, the aggressor's always the weak one, and my java stands on its own.” He poured the hot apple cider into a to-go cup. “Besides, I sometimes got thrown into the Target-Starbucks back in the early 2000s when I used to work there.”

“So, um, you’ve always wanted to run a cafe?”

Dave used a stainless steel dispenser to spray a generous helping of whipped cream onto the customer’s cider. “Something like that. Kinda discovered making drinks was more of my jam than stocking shelves.”

The customer was all smiles. “That’s pretty cool. Seems like there’s a lot of you in this place.”

Dave drizzled some caramel and sprinkles on top of the customer’s drink. “Me and the dude zombing the fuck out over there.” He gestured towards Dirk with his thumb. 

“Not zombing the fuck out,” Dirk grumbled under his breath. He folded his arms across his chest. He never wanted to be in control so badly before. Even if he was a regular on the cast, he would never be the star of The Dave Strider Show.

Neither Dave or the customer seemed to hear Dirk. Dave just kept on talking like always. “That’s Dirk, my lil bro. I’m Dave. Which must make you…?”

“John,” he introduced.

Dirk instantly memorized John’s name. He’d been looking to put a name to that gorgeous face from the moment John had stepped into the cafe.

Dave put the lid on John’s drink and nonchalantly slid it to him across the counter. “Oh, shit. So next time are you gonna chop down part of the door with an axe, stick your face in the hole, and scream, ‘Here’s Johnny!’?”

John fumbled a little with the drink, but he managed to retrieve it safely. “Heh. Just call me John. I’m not some kind of psycho. You know, I’ve never even seen that movie.”

“You should,” Dave said. “It’s a classic. And as for that rad line, Jack Nicholson improvised it.” He smirked a little, raising a fist to his mouth as if it were a microphone. He waved his other hand as he established a beat, mimicking some kick and snare drum sounds with his voice. “Aw, yeah, that was the shit. Jack spit the line out lickety split. You wouldn’t know it today, but Kubrick would’ve used another take if he’d had his way. He thought Jack was whack. Gave no positive feedback. Sequestered in England right before filming, he knew nothing ‘bout The Tonight Show. Talk about a low blow. But hey… The more you know.”

To finish, Dave acted like he did a mic drop.

Dirk rolled his eyes, which his shades hid, while he counted the register. Usually, he loved his brother’s raps, but that shit struck him as hella weak and unnecessary. “Way to alienate new customers, bro.”

Much to Dirk’s horror, John seemed mostly charmed by it. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Dave once. He broke out into full on laughter, holding up his apple cider as if to toast to Dave. “Hey, it was really weird, but I think I learned something? Soooo… I actually liked it!”

Dave’s smirk looked so self-satisfied to Dirk. “Rome wasn’t built in a day. You gotta let the beat flow if you ever wanna find a rap that sticks.” He glanced at Dirk. “And dude’s not a customer, Dirk. He’s family. When you’re here, you’re family.”

Dirk’s brow knitted slightly as he glared at Dave. The ironic anime shades helped conceal how angry he was. “That’s Olive Garden.”

“You bet your ass it is. Goddamn, I love Olive Garden,” Dave said. “Fuck, I wanna get my breadstick on.” He seemed to stop himself from going on a rant as he turned back to John. “By the way, Maurice’s Revenge is best served hot. Shouldn’t scald you now.”

“Lemme see.” John put the drink to his lips and sipped. He flashed Dave a toothy grin afterward. “Wow, this is good! I’m gonna have to come again so you can make me another one.”

Dirk slammed the register drawer shut. “This one’s counted.”

Dave nodded to Dirk. “Good work, lil man. I can take care of the rest. Go punch out.”

“Bluuuh, I didn’t realize you guys were closing,” John said. “My bad. I should probably get going.”

Dave came out from around the counter to walk John out. “It’s all good. We’re open from 7:30 to 5 on Monday through Thursday. Friday’s a trip, though. Open mic night. You can kick it with us till 7:30. Full hellacious twelve hours of nonstop Lava Java shenanigans. Saturdays we’re closed. Sunday we’re open from 8 to noon, ‘cause fuck the homophobe businesses that close on Sundays. You know the ones.”

“Huh? Which places do you mean? I never really thought about it, to be honest with you.”

Dirk stormed off to the break room. He was in no mood to hear Dave go on at length about Chik-Fil-A and Hobby Lobby. He wanted to say something–– _ anything _ ––to John. He wanted to leave an impression other than being the bland guy who just listed coffee options to John. John could just read a menu to see that. However, he failed to see the point in breathing another word when Dave monopolized the only man who ever made him rethink love at first sight.

Once he punched out, Dirk popped in his headphones and went out the back. No need to wait for Dave. They each had their own keys, and Dirk had enough of his older brother’s blathering. His iPhone almost seemed to know he needed some pumping up, as shuffle mode pulled up “Alexander Hamilton” from the original Broadway cast recording.

“But just you wait,” he sang softly, images of John’s sweet face flashing in his mind on his walk home. “Just you wait.”

Dirk never went down without a fight.


	3. Pseudo Date

Dirk worked what Dave dubbed “a rockstar shift” the next day, which basically translated into a short day anywhere from four to five hours, meaning he worked from 7:30 to 12:30 today. Dirk just hoped John fit somewhere into those magical hours. Magic was fake as all hell, though. Well, maybe not when Rainbow Dash and co. were out there living their best lives and imparting moral lessons on viewers and characters alike, but MLP possessed a fictional brand of magic. Real life paled in comparison and tended to offer harsh realities more often than not.

The little bell above the door chimed as someone entered. Dirk’s gaze snapped over to the source of the sound, but it turned out to be some alternative looking mom and her five-year-old kid. As pathetic as it was, he kept hoping John would be the next person to walk through that door. So far no dice. He was already four hours into his shift, too.

He took care of alt-mom, getting her a large coffee, black, with a small hot chocolate for the kid. He was just putting the finishing touches on the hot chocolate when he heard the bell chime again. Finally, John entered the cafe. Lucky for him, Dave was currently busy doing some bookkeeping in the office. He needed to seize this opportunity, grab it tight with both hands, and never let go.

John went to the open register, where Dirk’s coworker, Hope, currently stood.

She greeted John with a warm smile. “Hi, welcome to Lava Java. How can I help you?”

“Hi,” John replied. “Can I get one of those apple cider things? I think it was called Maurice’s Revenge.”

Even though Dirk was finishing up with alt-mom and the kid, he heard every word. He tried to play it cool. No need to look desperate. He leaned in a bit closer over the counter to help give the hot chocolate to the kid. “Careful. It’s hot stuff.”

Alt-mom put an encouraging hand on her kid’s shoulder. “Isn’t that nice? What do you say, Parker?”

The kid held his mom’s hand tight and kept looking at the floor rather than making direct eye contact with Dirk. “Th-Thank you,” he mumbled, gingerly taking the warm cup from Dirk’s hand.

“Don’t mention it. Come back anytime,” Dirk said.

Once they walked away from the counter, Dirk moseyed over towards Hope and John. On the inside, he felt like running over, but he’d perfected the fine art of being chill over the course of twenty-three years on earth.

“Hey, John. Long time no see.”

John’s brows drew together a slight bit. “I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

Dirk’s heart sank. He sounded genuinely confused rather than annoyed. Nevertheless, he pressed on, knowing he had to make every moment count. “We met briefly the other day. My bro said a bunch of really weird shit while he made your drink. I rang you up.”

The words sparked recognition in those beautiful baby blues. “Oh, yeah! Heh! You know, I never heard anyone just break into rap like that before yesterday. I mean, not in real life, anyway.” He put his card into the card reader.

“Yeah. Sorry you were subjected to that,” Dirk said. He moved to get started on John’s drink, wanting to act natural, seeing as another customer was coming up behind John.

“Thank you. Would you like your receipt?” Hope asked John.

John shook his head. “No, thanks.” He stepped off to the side while he waited. He pulled out his phone, apparently not interested in continuing the rap conversation.

Shit. Dirk racked his brain for a new topic while he made John’s drink. He never felt so desperate to have a dialogue with another human being before he met John. His heartbeat began to pick up again, much like during their first meeting. He felt like he was losing him with each passing second John spent looking at his phone. Dave hadn’t even given John a chance to go on his phone. Somehow, his babbling had commanded every bit of John’s attention.

“So… You have Instagram?” That seemed less creepy than flat out saying, ‘You may be the love of my life. Give me your number so we can talk about this.’ Normally, he didn’t care about scaring people off with his intensity. He found himself caring about John more and more with each passing moment.

John looked up from his phone. “Uh, yeah. ...You wanna follow each other?”

Fuck yeah. Score. This was his in. “Sure. It’s gotta suck harder than _Mac and Me_ being new to the area.”

The comment got John to chuckle. “Oh, god. That movie’s absolutely gotta be the biggest turd I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know why I’ve got a poster of it.”

Dirk finished off John’s drink by putting a lid on it. He walked out from behind the counter. “For ironic purposes, I’m sure. E.T., eat your heart out, because Mac is John’s alien. He wants more than friendship. He wants adventure.” He passed the drink into John’s hand, his calloused fingers brushing up against unbelievably smooth skin. “Lemme see your phone.”

John passed it to him, grinning. “You know, the sad part is that’s probably what made me think that movie was worth a watch. I always kinda wanted to go on an adventure with my friends.”

Dirk looked at John’s phone. He already had Instagram open. He went to the search bar and started typing in his own handle. He wasn’t anywhere near as active as Dave on this app, which struck him as ironic, considering the age gap, but what could he say? Ironic selfies were his big bro’s shtick. Dave had a personal page, as well as a business account for Lava Java. Dirk mostly posted pictures of his smuppets or Lil Cal doing sweet things. Selfies, raps, and videos of him getting sick air were only sprinkled in every so often.

“What’s stopping you?” Dirk asked, tapping the follow button from John’s account. Then he gave John his phone back.

“Mostly having only internet friends.”

Dirk detected a hint of sadness in John’s eyes at the admission despite the way he forced a smile. “There’s always MMOs and games like _Among Us_.”

“Heh, yeah. God, I have such a hard time getting people to play the MMO for _Ghostbusters II_.” 

“DM me the info for that shit. I’m down.” The game sounded awful, but Dirk wanted to maximize his ways of spending time with John.

“Awesome! You won’t be disappointed. The game rules!” John glanced down at his phone before looking at Dirk again. “Timaeus Testified, huh? What’s that mean?”

Dirk pulled out his own phone. His shift was almost over, anyway, and he just had to see the notification _‘GhostyTrickster started following you.’_ “Consider me an autodidact on ancient civilizations.”

“What?” John asked.

“Oh, uh…” Normally, Dirk never felt shy flexing his impressive vocab. When people didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, he normally found them inferior and wrote them off. He considered their ignorance their problem. But when he was with John, he wanted to be understood. And he longed for John to understand, too. “It just means I really took it upon myself to study some classic philosophy from old ass cultures from forever ago. I went way beyond the watered down shit we learned in school. The teacher never even touched on Timaeus, who’s basically a dude speculating on the universe and its mysteries.”

“Oh, okay,” John replied. “Sounds like the kinda stuff that could drive someone into an existential crisis or something.” He slipped his phone back into his pocket.

A hint of a smile showed up on Dirk’s lips, which was more expression than he normally showed. “I’m just masochistic that way.” He noted the time on his own phone before putting it away. Even with his irregular heartbeat and wobbly knees, he wanted this conversation with John to last forever. “Listen, I’m almost done with my shift. If you’re not doing anything, would you wanna go for a walk? Could really use some fresh air after huffing coffee beans all day. There’s a park not far from here.”

“Sure,” John said without any hesitation. “I’ll wait for you over there.” He gestured to one of the tables nearby with his thumb.

“Killer. Be right back.”

* * *

When Dirk returned from the break room, he’d shed his apron and name tag. Much to his delight, John was still sitting at the table waiting for him. A sick, pessimistic fantasy that played out in his head told him that John had just been humoring him and would bail the first chance he got. He’d never been so happy to be proven wrong.

“Sup.”

“Hey again,” John said, springing up from his seat. He sipped his hot apple cider. “Let’s do this.”

Right as they were heading towards the exit, Dirk heard a door open and tensed. He realized he hadn’t popped into Dave’s office on his way out. Whenever he skipped this step, Dave sought him out for a quick bro fist goodbye.

“Yo, Dirk. Wait up,” Dave called from across the cafe.

Dirk wanted to shove John out the front door and abscond. Unfortunately for him, John whipped around at the sound of Dave’s voice. He seemed a little too excited for Dirk’s liking. His smile broadened a mile wide.

“Hey, Dave!”

Dirk’s brow knitted a slight bit. So John remembered Dave’s name with no problem.

Dave was too goddamn fast and already standing beside them. “John. It’s been 84 years. That old lady Titanic meme still alive with you kids these days?”

John chuckled. “It’s still kicking, I’d say. I got the apple cider Maurice thing again. How are–”

“–We were just about to split, bro,” Dirk interrupted, cutting in. There was no fucking way he was about to let this turn into another babble session between John and Dave. With Dave’s chill vibe, he tended to get along with most people, but this was just plain ridiculous. From the way he interacted with John, it almost seemed like he had some kind of profound, preternatural bond that made no sense, considering the two of them just met. “Gonna show John the park.”

Dave nodded, wearing a tiny smile. “Dope. Stay outta trouble, lil man. John, keep your eye on him for me, okay?”

“Yeah, okay! No problem,” John said.

“Excuse me?” The request rubbed Dirk the wrong way. “I’ve been able to handle myself since I was fucking five.”

The little smile vanished from Dave’s lips. “Chill. I just didn’t want you scaling buildings or strifing with your new friend. Or joining the vape nation, I guess.”

Dirk rolled his eyes from behind his shades. “This helicopter pseudo-parent thing? Not a good look. We’re literally just gonna go to the park. Stop acting like a 40-year-old mom, who’s crying a river of tears because her son is going to leave her for college, and she’s about to have the biggest case of empty nest syndrome the world’s ever seen.”

John grabbed Dirk by the shoulder, pulling him back from Dave just a bit. “Hey, lay off,” he said, frowning. “Maybe I should just go home if you guys have some brotherly beef you need to hash out.”

Dirk’s mouth dropped slightly in surprise for a full five seconds before he regained his composure. Most people seemed intimidated by him, so they never attempted to keep him in check. It was a pretty ballsy move on John’s part.

“No. We… We’re good, John. I’m…” Dirk swallowed hard. “I’m sorry.” He wasn’t one for apologies, but John mattered to him. He couldn’t afford to fuck up spending time with him outside of this cafe. “I’ve just been a little stressed lately.”

John’s expression softened some. He lowered his hand. “It’s fine, but I think you owe Dave the apology.”

“It’s all water under the bridge,” Dave said. “You kids go have fun.”

Dirk watched as his brother turned away. While Dave didn’t show it, he sensed some sad vibes, but it also seemed like he was trying to spare him from apologizing twice in rapid succession. Dave knew how much he hated to apologize, due to the way their shitty parents used to demand they apologize for shit that was not their fault in the slightest.

Dirk reached out and grabbed Dave’s wrist. “Bro.”

Dave turned around. “Yeah?”

Dirk let go and held up his fist, nice and slow so it wouldn’t be misconstrued as going in for a punch. “Later.”

The small smile returned to Dave’s lips. He raised his fist and gently bumped it against Dirk’s. “See ya at home. Take it easy, John. Maybe you and your dad could come over for some Olive Garden takeout sometime. My treat.”

John beamed at this notion. “Yeah, that’d be good! I’ll let him know. Although knowing him, he’ll probably wanna bake a cake to bring over.” He wrinkled his nose. “Bluuuh.”

Dave nodded. “That’d be sick. Dude, anything with apple in it is my shit.”

Dirk moved back towards the exit. He got the door and held it for John. “C’mon, John. If we don’t leave now, he’s gonna go into a five-hour monologue about all the apples that have ever graced his tastebuds.”

“Haha, coming!” John said, glancing back at Dave as he left. “Have a good rest of your day, Dave!”

* * *

The moment they hit the streets, Dirk felt like skipping. Felt was the operative word, as real life would never be as forgiving as _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_. Instead, he sauntered along the Houston streets with John at his side, hands slipping into the pockets of his jeans. The crisp autumn air was almost as refreshing as the first sip from a can of Orange Crush stashed away in the back of the fridge. John’s presence made him appreciate the little things, like the weather, far more than usual.

“Park’s coming up. It’s just one more block and will be on the right,” Dirk said. “Can’t exactly miss the smattering of green in this concrete jungle.”

“Heh, I’ll say,” John replied. “Gotta admit it’s kinda weird. I know I said I was from Seattle, but that was just to make things easier. I’m really from Maple Valley, which is actually more like a half hour from the city. There was so much green.”

Dirk glanced at John more than he needed to while they walked. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. We used to live in the suburbs, so everything here seems super crammed together.”

“Sounds like you miss it,” Dirk said.

“I guess I do. And I never really thought much about it until it was all gone.”

Dirk never felt so compelled to help another human being in his entire life. “Well, let me be the first to give you a big Texan yee-haw.” Ironically, he spoke with no distinct Southern accent. He tended to enunciate each word with clean precision, almost like a robot, though he generally had more warmth in his tone when speaking to John.

John chuckled. “Pfft! That didn’t sound anything like the cowboys on TV. Worst yee-haw ever. One out of five stars.”

At the very least, Dirk had gotten him to laugh. “What can I say? I’m no Apple Jack.”

“Who?”

Dirk’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses. Shit. He never let My Little Pony references slip out like that. “No-pony––err–– _body_ . _Nobody._ ” Heat rose to his face when he realized he just made his brony closet case even more incriminating with the second slip-up. He cleared his throat and gestured towards the upcoming park. “Look, we’re almost there.” He took a tentative glance in John’s direction.

John looked confused but didn’t appear overly judgmental. He turned his focus to the park. “Hey, so we are!” He pushed his half-dranken cider into Dirk’s hand. “Race you there!”

“What?”

Before Dirk got the chance to process what John had said, he took off, skinny legs propelling his body forward as he ran towards the park. Dirk chased after him. He didn’t mind the view from behind, though. He enjoyed the glorious splendor of John’s ass in cargo shorts, which was far more round and full than his own. However, Dirk’s long legs gave him an advantage. He caught up with the smaller young man in no time at all. Naturally, he won the race by the time they arrived at the park’s entrance. He also managed not to spill a single drop of John’s cider.

“You’ve got nothing on me. Even when you cheat,” Dirk teased.

John put his hands on his knees and bent over slightly while he worked on regaining his breath. “Cheat? It was just a head start. And I could’ve taken a longer one, had I known you were so freakishly fast!” The words came across as playful with no real venom.

A little smile unfurled on Dirk’s lips. He couldn’t help himself. “C’mon. Let’s find a bench.”

After a short stroll, the pair came across an inviting looking bench. They sat down almost at the exact same time. Dirk couldn’t help but admire John. He looked adorable, his cheeks slightly flushed from the run. He resisted the urge to caress John’s face. He’d bet all the money he had in the bank that his face was even softer than his hands.

“Yoink!” John snatched the apple cider from Dirk and took a nice long sip. “Man, all that running made me thirsty.”

Now that John mentioned it, Dirk noticed his own throat was dry, too. He wanted to speak audaciously and suggest they share the drink. Just imagining putting his lips where John’s had been so recently made his heart flutter. He held back, though. He’d never forgive himself if he scared John away.

“I’ll bet,” Dirk said instead, looking off into the distance at their surroundings. 

They shared a comfortable silence while John finished his drink. The world never felt so beautiful until today.

“Hey,” John started up again. 

Dirk met John’s gaze. “Yeah?”

“Does your bro game?” he asked.

Dirk’s heart sank. His expression became neutral. “A little here and there.”

Dave introduced Dirk to gaming. He still remembered playing _Super Mario World_ on the Super Nintendo with Dave back in his toddler days. Dave always told him to make sure Yoshi ate all the apples on the first level. He remembered doing his damnedest to beat the level. Kids sucked at games, and Dirk hadn’t been an exception while his motor skills were still developing. He remembered holding the controller tight enough for the plastic to stick against his little, sweaty palms. He recalled the soreness of his thumb, how hard he pressed down on the Y button to attempt to succeed at a run-jump across a small gap in the ground.

He took forever to beat level one. When he finally did beat it, Dave took him to McDonald’s to celebrate, his big bro indulging in an apple pie while he had a McFlurry. While he struggled at the game, he used to watch in wonder as Dave breezed through those early levels. His big bro excelled at most of the levels, actually, even making the final boss fight with Bowser look like a cakewalk. He always dreamed of being as good as Dave at _Super Mario World_.

Looking back on it now with adult eyes, Dirk would pan it off as all memorization and muscle memory. He could whoop Dave’s ass at any game now.

“Really?” John’s voice snapped Dirk out of his detour on memory lane. 

“Yeah.”

John set the empty cider cup down on the ground, grinning. His pointer finger adjusted his glasses up the brim of his nose. “That’s great! ‘Cause I was thinking maybe he could help us out in the Ghostbusters MMO, you know? The more the merrier, and then we’d have a much more rounded out party.”

“I’ll mention it to him.” A lie, but whatever. John didn’t need to know. “But I doubt he’ll play. Dude’s pretty busy.”

The news did not deter John’s smile in the slightest. “He might surprise you.”

Dirk feared as much. He could envision Dave making time for that piece of shit game. His brother liked to find new ways to bond with him. He also hated how nothing could rain on John’s parade when it came to Dave Pride 2020.

He shrugged, playing off his jealousy as casual apathy. “Maybe. Tell me about what you main in Ghostbusters.”

Fortunately, John took the bait and went into chatting all about the game’s mechanics. He told Dirk how everyone played as a Ghostbuster, which made it not as refined as most MMOs in terms of battle. All the same, John still loved the game for pure nostalgia purposes. He told Dirk all about the HQ he managed to create in a fire station. Nobody he played with was too great at the game. Dirk felt confident he could master it in a half hour and help John’s ghost busting business soar to new heights.

The prospect of playing with another pro made John light up. And, much to Dirk’s relief, Dave stayed out of the conversation for the rest of the afternoon.


	4. Ablutions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** This chapter contains explicit NSFW sexual content. Do not read unless you're 18+.  
> 
> 
> * * *

After a couple of weeks, Dirk had managed to implement himself into John’s daily routine. Some days, they spent time together in more subtle ways, like interacting on Instagram via stories and DMs. They played the Ghostbusters MMO most nights. The primitive piece of shit game didn’t have a voice chat feature, but Pesterchum fixed that problem easily enough. John always went to bed way earlier than him. His idea of late was midnight. Cute, really, but it made nights less lonely for Dirk.

He noticed John averaged coming to Lava Java five out of seven days over these past two weeks. While John was incredibly friendly to everyone, Dirk hated how he had eyes for Dave. On the instances where Dave happened to be milling about the front of the house, John always made a beeline for him without even ordering a drink. John would look right through Dirk and chat Dave up about all sorts of stupid things. For example, John legitimately loved the movie _Con Air_ , and Dave loved making fun of it for ironic purposes. Dirk hoped that’d turn John off from Dave, but somehow it did the exact opposite. It made them develop this weirdly playful teasing rapport.

On more than one occasion, Dirk overheard them bantering about movies and making recommendations for each other. They found out they both legitimately loved the 2004 _Starsky & Hutch _movie. Probably because they saw themselves in the duo or something equally moronic. Dave always had a boner for Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Dirk rolled his eyes at hearing them gush about it. He never wanted to kick Dave’s ass so badly in all of his life.

To make matters worse, John and Dave became mutuals on Instagram, too, both on Dave’s personal and on the business one for Lava Java. The only thing that had been kept sacred was that fucking Ghostbusters MMO. While Dirk would continue to keep that sacred, he hated how Dave could easily monopolize John whenever they were all at the cafe at the same time. He also hated how John would always ask him if Dave was around in the instances where Dave wasn’t on the floor. Dirk knew John wasn’t trying to be a dick. He didn’t have a mean bone in him. He just carried the biggest and brightest fucking torch for Dave.

Sadly, Dirk hadn’t gotten another chance to hang out with John again after one of his shifts. He needed to change that. He also needed to keep Dave away with a ten-foot pole. Minimum.

Today was Sunday morning. No work. He could do this. He just needed to ask John if he wanted to chill. Maybe at John’s place or the park or the mall. Dirk would even take the Walmart parking lot at this point.

His entire body tensed the moment he heard Dave do their secret “Shave and a Haircut” knock outside of his bedroom door.

“What?” Dirk asked flatly, rather than answering with the “two-bits” knock. “It’s open.”

Dave entered the room, wearing a small smile. “Yo, what comes next? You gonna tell me to get out of your room? Thought you grew out of all that teenage angst shit a long time ago.”

“I’m just burnt out from putting in all those fucking hours at your cafe.” Dirk turned around in his computer chair to face Dave. He stood.

“Yeah, I noticed you’ve been picking up everyone’s shift every chance you get. Burning the candle at both ends,” Dave replied. “Must be tough saving up for Barbie’s dream house. I’m sure John’s gonna love it, though.”

Dirk furrowed his brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

Dirk’s hands clenched into fists. “Yeah, well, he looks at you.”

Dave shrugged, the small smile fading from his lips. “He’s just a kid. Too young for me. Ain’t interested in dating anyone your age.”

Dirk stayed tense. Paranoia still told him Dave would somehow pull a Mrs. Robinson with John, but a more rational part of himself took Dave’s words at face value. “What do you want?”

Dave stayed in the doorway, giving Dirk space. “Just wanted to tell you I finally squared away all of the details to the OG takeout dinner with John and his dad. They’re coming at six and we eat at seven.”

Dirk’s eyes went wide from behind his shades. “What?”

“I figured you bros needed more time together outside of screens or whatever,” Dave said.

“Don’t say ‘screens.’ You sound fifty.”

Dave snorted. “No skin off my nose, lil man. I can already tell I’m aging like fine wine.” He paused for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts. “Anyway, this is your chance. I’ll charm the shit outta the dad. Pick up the food with him. While we’re out, you get your alone time with John. Show him your room. And you can squeeze in more alone time after dinner. Everyone’s a winner.”

Dirk folded his arms across his chest. “I could have made my own plans. I hardly need a wingman.”

Dave approached Dirk. Despite the tension, he ruffled his little brother’s hair. “Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me. Tough shit. Sucks to be you.”

“Ugh.” Dirk swatted Dave’s hand away. He attempted to smooth out his bedhead, but it proved to be a losing battle.

Dave turned to leave. “Just be ready by six, Romeo. My gut tells me Mr. E’s gonna run like clockwork. I’m envisioning a pocket watch that never gets out of sync for even a minute, ‘cause he keeps that shit wound. Probably takes it for regular maintenance at some local jeweler that feels fresh out of the 1920s, and they all refer to their wallets as billfolds and discuss how affable the weather is at this time of year.”

“I get it. I won’t even be fashionably late,” Dirk replied, relaxing just a bit. He appreciated whenever his brother took his figurative language to the next level, but the anger and jealousy remained within him, though the bitter emotions currently glowed as dim as an ember instead of as bright as a raging hot inferno.

“Hell yeah. Also, coffee’s ready.” Dave shut the door behind him.

Dirk let out a sigh once he heard Dave’s footsteps get further away. His arms fell to his sides and he took out his phone. He debated texting John about tonight. He decided to do so after about a minute.

\-- timaeusTestified (TT) began pestering ghostyTrickster (GT) at 11:17 --

TT: Hey. Just heard about dinner. It should be rad.  
GT: yeah! :) haha, i can’t believe dave called my dad.  
TT: I can. My bro never shuts up. He’ll hold any audience hostage. The living room lamp has even been a victim. Your dad must have been bored shitless.  
GT: i guess you get tired of it because you live with the guy.  
GT: but i like hearing what dave's got to say! it's pretty interesting.  
GT: even if he's a gaybutt sometimes, haha!  
TT: You don't have to humor him.  
GT: i'm not though? :/  
TT: I’m just looking out for your best interest. I don’t want you to feel obligated to listen to him. Anyway, I’ll talk to you more tonight.  
GT: ok, dirk. see you then.  
TT: See ya.

Dirk locked his phone. Man, he should have just dropped the Dave part. Dragging the guy outside a rap battle was beyond tacky. At the end of the day, he still loved Dave, even with the current John quandary. He looked around the room, noting his nice TV, game consoles, and computer. His big bro gave him the world. He was a good dude. Dirk knew he needed to get more control over his jealousy. He needed to chill. Confidence and a good vibe would win John over. Being insecure over petty bullshit would make Dirk lose him for good.

Gathering himself, he decided to go take Dave up on some fresh brewed coffee.

* * *

Coffee, eggs, and bacon took the edge off, but what Dirk really wanted right now was to get his ablutions on in peace. Since Dave cooked, he cleaned up the kitchen. Their meal had been downright civil. They even bounced some raps off each other, which made both Strider brothers crack a smile afterward. Dirk wanted to bleed out all of the bad blood. While he gave Dave a hard time every so often, he never felt true malice towards his brother until John came into his life. Frankly, all the raw emotions terrified him.

The Striders went their separate ways to wash up. Dave’s master bedroom had a bathroom attached, which left the hallway one available to Dirk almost always, sans the rare instances where they had company over. For the most part, only Rose and Kanaya visited. While Dave loved to socialize, he tended to keep their homelife private. Dirk sometimes wondered if Dave did it for his benefit, seeing as he wasn’t much of a people person. 

In any event, their general lack of visitors made John and his dad’s visit all the more monumental. Dirk wanted John’s visit to be fucking immaculate, which meant he needed more than a good breakfast with his big bro to relieve the tension.

Dirk grabbed his clothes and a fluffy white towel from the linen closet in the hall. He shut the bathroom door. He knew Dave would finish showering before him, but if he timed everything right he’d be fine.

He turned on the shower, deciding to give the water a couple minutes to heat up. He also used his phone to put on Apple Music, and Watsky’s “Pink Lemonade” kicked off one of his many playlists of ill beats. He stripped out of his tank top and boxers, setting his sunglasses on the bathroom countertop. He glanced at himself in the mirror. He stood tall, but not as tall as his big bro, with broad shoulders. Freckles adorned his porcelain skin from head to toe, with light body hair that you could miss at first glance. He got Hella Jeff’s bust tattooed on his right bicep for his eighteenth birthday. The crude drawing came from one of Dave’s ironic comic series, _Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff_. Someday, a full sleeve would be in order, with Sweet Bro and Geormy.

Modest muscles sculpted his lean body. While less kind folks would have deemed twelve-year-old Dirk a weaboo, a phase which lasted until his midteens, it prompted him to take an interest in katanas. Dave saw it as a good opportunity to help him learn how to defend himself. They’d been too poor to enroll Dirk in proper kendo classes at the time, so Dave did his best to teach him via YouTube. They sparred with one another, training with wooden swords on the rooftop of their shitty one-bedroom apartment. This sort of training kept him fit to this day.

He had the good fortune of being well endowed below the belt. He shaved regularly down there out of habit. Back in senior year of high school, he had his fair share of hookups in people’s cars, under the bleachers, and even in the band practice rooms. While the sex tapered off as he grew older and became more preoccupied with working full-time at Lava Java, it still happened every so often. However, he never experienced what some people called “making love.” His emotions for past partners never went beyond infatuation. They all paled in comparison to what he felt for John. 

Dirk tested the water with his hand. He liked his showers hot, nearly to the point of burning. With the temperature being optimal, he pulled back the curtain and stepped into the steamy shower. The warm water cascaded over his body. He enjoyed the sensation for a few moments before he started on washing his face.

He decided to take a detour once he became sufficiently sudsy. His hand drifted south. He preferred to do this whenever he had the penthouse to himself, but the impending dinner with John put him at Defcon 1. He’d be much more chill tonight if he took care of his urges.

As he stroked himself from base to tip, his eyelids fluttered shut while the sound of running water and music filled his ears. He mind went far away from the Huston apartment and journeyed to a remote stable somewhere in the countryside. Ironically, there were no ponies or horses to attend to. There was just Dirk, lifting some hay with a pitchfork. He wore all black with an orange bandana around his neck.

John came into the stable, wearing a blue flannel, dark wash jeans, and a cowboy hat. He tipped his hat to Dirk. “Howdy, Dirk. Working hard or hardly working?”

Dirk stopped putting the hay into a neat pile and turned to face John. He set the pitchfork aside. “You tell me.”

John approached him, only a few inches of space between them. “You’ve totally been good.” He reached a hand up and caressed Dirk’s cheek. “That’s a mighty fine pile of hay you’ve made or whatever you guys say down south.”

Dirk stared into John’s ocean blue eyes, hypnotized. “Sounds legit.”

John’s hand reached around to cop a feel of Dirk’s toned ass. “What’s this?” he asked, chuckling as his fingers came into contact with something soft and silky.

Dirk’s face flushed pink. “Neigh, Mr. Cowboy.” The only abnormality to his outfit was the rainbow horse tail that extended from a small hole in his pants. He’d plugged the tail’s silicon base inside of himself.

“I guess I should say, ‘Yee-haw, pretty pony!’ Or wait... Do you wanna be Rainbow Dash?”

“...Pretty pony’s fine. Or just Dirk,” he whispered, his guard low, unlike in real life.

“God, you’re so cute when you get shy like this.” John kept caressing the side of his face. He took off Dirk’s shades, clipping it to the front of the man’s tank top. Then he draped his arms around his neck, standing on his tiptoes. He kissed Dirk––soft at first. After a little while, the kisses turned sultry and deep.

Dirk couldn’t keep from moaning into John’s mouth, and the quiet sound reverberated off the shower walls in real life as he kept touching himself, his strokes becoming a tad faster.

John pushed Dirk back into the pile of hay. The young men continued kissing while their hands explored each other’s bodies. They rolled onto their sides. Dirk’s hands shook as he attempted to undo John’s buttons. John did it for him, throwing off the flannel shirt. He also peeled off Dirk’s tank top. In the fantasy, he hardly felt any itchiness from the hay. He felt John’s soft, warm hands. He felt John start to trail hot kisses down his neck. He mixed those kisses with soft love bites as he reached his collarbone. Soon, Dirk had vibrant marks on his skin that showed he belonged to John.

All of it left Dirk breathless, the pupils of his amber eyes dilated as they fluttered open. His hands tightened in John’s hair. “Wait, Mr. Cowboy… I wanna make you feel fan-fucking-tastic.”

John looked up at Dirk, flashing him the warmest smile. “Geez. Who am I to refuse such a sweet request?”

They shifted positions. John stood. Dirk crawled out of the hay pile, on his hands and knees before the man. His hands worked to undo John’s fly. He took out his cock, both hands settling on the base of John’s hard-on. Dirk started peppering sweet kisses on his tip. John answered him with several of the most beautiful moans he ever heard. His hands started petting Dirk’s hair. Dirk was powerless to resist putting John into his mouth, his lips forming a tight seal around him. His tongue swirled around on John’s tip. Soon he started lapping at his underside, like a person licking an ice cream cone in a desperate attempt to keep it from melting.

“Fuck… Dirk… So good,” John just barely managed to say between heavy breaths. He continued raking his fingers through Dirk’s spiky locks.

Dirk kept going. He bobbed his head along John’s length. Eventually, he went for it, hands finding their way to John’s thighs. He squeezed them as he started deep-throating John, having no gag reflex in his fantasy. He groaned against John’s pulsating flesh, adoring when his tip hit the back of his throat and he tasted traces of pre-cum.

“Hold your horses.” John tugged Dirk’s hair, and he knew to stop. As he sat back on his heels, he saw John’s cock glistening with his saliva.

John caressed Dirk’s face. “You’ve been good and waiting all day. I think it’s about time I take care of you.”

He took Dirk by the hand and led them back to the hay pile. They stripped off the last of their clothes, and John conveniently had a packet of travel-sized lube in his back pocket. John lied on his back while Dirk straddled his hips. Gently, John took the pony plug out of Dirk, which caused him to shiver and moan. While Dirk felt naked without the tail, he knew he’d soon be filled with what he desired most. Even though Dirk had prepared all day for this, John still tested him with first one and then two slicked up fingers.

“God, you’re perfect,” John said, leaning in to kiss him. He pumped his fingers in and out of Dirk.

Dirk couldn’t stop moaning. He managed to compose himself just enough to speak. “John… I want you.”

“Nothing’s stopping you,” John giggled. “Hey, I finally get your irony thing. I don’t think you’re usually supposed to ride the cowboy.”

“Shut up,” Dirk said, letting out a breathy laugh. He took the remaining lube from John and used it to slick up his length all over again.

They shared an intense gaze. He got into position, holding the base of John’s cock and lining up. Then he sank down on John all at once, letting out a lewd moan. He never felt so warm and fulfilled before. He hardly felt any pain as he adjusted to John being inside him. John put his hands on Dirk’s hips to help steady him. His entire body trembled, but John drew no attention to the fact. He admired Dirk with unconditional love in his eyes. There was no judgment.

Once Dirk felt comfortable, they were off to the races. Dirk began rocking his hips, starting off slow and keeping John deep inside of him.

“Oh, man,” John said, trailing off as a moan escaped from him. He rolled his hips back up into Dirk’s some, but from the current position Dirk maintained control over their intimacy. “You’re the best and that’s all there is to say on the matter. How’d you get to be so tight?” He gave Dirk’s hips an affectionate squeeze.

“Mmm…” Dirk groaned, keeping up the gentle rocking motion. “Because you’re the only person I’ve let inside... Literally and figuratively.”

John chuckled. “God, you’re so hot and nerdy all at once.”

Dirk leaned in and kissed John hard. As their tongues danced, he tasted Rockin’ Raspberry blue gushers. For a while, they got lost in kissing and slow rocking.

Eventually, they both needed more. Dirk’s hands shifted to John’s legs as he picked up the pace. He began establishing a much harder and faster rhythm, all but bouncing on John’s cock. He let John fill him up deep each and every time. His tip even hit Dirk’s sweet spot, which made his entire body tremble. Both of the young men made music for each other, unable to contain their moans in their heated passion.

“Dirk!”

“John!”

In the next instant, John reached the point of no return, his hands clinging to Dirk’s hips. His body shivered beneath Dirk, and his hips jutted out irregularly. Bursts of hot spunk filled Dirk in excess, as John reached his orgasm while buried deep inside of him. He never allowed himself to be this vulnerable with another human being before. Feeling John coming inside him was everything he ever hoped for.

Dirk could not contain himself for much longer. John’s hand joined him in stroking his own cock. Together, they took Dirk over the edge. Warm jets of cum shot from his cock and coated John’s stomach and chest. Until this moment, he only thought this kind of love belonged in works of fiction.

Back in reality, Dirk also came hard. He slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle John’s name and caught the majority of his load in his other hand.

“Yo, Dirk.”

Dirk’s eyes snapped open. The voice belonged to Dave.

Rudely, his brother opened the bathroom door. Fuck! Had he really forgotten to lock it?! Thankfully, an opaque orange shower curtain stood between them, so Dave couldn’t see shit. Still, he’d rather not have his big bro walk in on him in the bathroom.

“Can’t you knock?!” Dirk’s face grew impossibly hotter. It had nothing to do with the shower’s temperature.

“Tried that. You didn’t answer.”

“Christ, Dave! Can’t a guy get his ablutions on in fucking peace?!”

From the sounds of it, Dave was rummaging through his medicine cabinet.

“What the fuck?!” Dirk demanded.

“Just seeing if you got any extra razors. You do. I guess you do your best not to shave off that peach fuzz.” Even without seeing Dave, Dirk could hear the smirk in his voice.

Dirk rolled his eyes, putting his soiled hand under the running water. “Oh, and like your three chin hairs are any better.”

“Listen, I’ve got full chin scruff going on right now, and I gotta be fresh for Mr. E. I have an inkling the dude’s hella old-fashioned from how he sounded on the phone. Seems fresh out of _Pleasantville_. You sure they moved from Seattle?”

“Get the fuck out!”

Dave snickered. “You do realize I wiped your ass and bathed you nine times out ten, right?”

“Out!” Dirk yelled, not caring about any of that now. He never asked for Dave to do that for him as an infant. Then again, neither of them asked for alcoholics to be their parents either.

“Whatever you say, your highness.”

Dirk relaxed a smidgeon when he heard the door shut behind Dave. However, it would take some time for the tension to fully dissolve. His face stayed beet-red while his heart hammered away. He washed away all the evidence of his stable fantasy with John. While the idea gave him plenty of pleasure, he felt incredibly alone now. He doubted his ability to ever make a fantasy like that reality, especially when John had eyes for Dave. He refused to give up, but he was only human. He couldn’t keep from being discouraged from time to time.

Sighing, Dirk resumed his ablutions the proper way. He needed to get ready for dinner. He needed to be ready for John.


	5. OG Takeout

As soon as the clock struck 6, the doorman alerted the Strider brothers how the Egberts had arrived down in the lobby. Dave’s prediction of John’s dad being exceptionally punctual was right on the money. Dave instructed the doorman to let them both ride the elevator up. In just a couple of minutes, John and his dad would both be in their penthouse.

Dirk’s heartbeat picked up. On the outside, however, he kept on his poker face. His ironic anime shades helped conceal any emotions that his eyes might otherwise give away.

“Hey, it’s gonna be dope. Just be yourself,” Dave said, giving Dirk a thumbs up.

“I ain’t nervous,” Dirk lied, though he suspected Dave saw right through him. While John had seen pieces of him so far, he didn’t have enough to put together the whole puzzle. He feared John wouldn’t like what he saw if he knew the real him. Besides, he already liked Dave so much more.

Still, he couldn’t roll over and die. Tonight had to be fucking immaculate. Dave would monopolize Mr. Egbert, which meant John was his for the whole night.

Dave stepped over to the front door. He opened it and waited for the elevator.

Soon the familiar tone chimed. Dirk heard the door slide open. He stayed put in the living room. Crowding the front door struck him as desperate.

“Dave!” John called out in a lively greeting. “Geez, this place is SO fancy! Feels like something out of a movie!”

“What can I say, John? The perks of being a self-made man,” Dave said without missing a beat. He stepped back a little to give John and his dad some room to enter. “And you must be Mr. Egbert. Nice to meet you.”

Mr. Egbert shook Dave’s hand. “It’s a pleasure, Dave. My son has told me so much about you.” 

Dirk wondered if John ever mentioned him to his dad or if he only talked about Dave. The thought made him a little sick. He took Mr. Egbert in, noticing his formal attire, which consisted of a button down shirt, slacks, and a fedora.

“All good things, I hope,” Dave said, flashing a charming smile. He gestured towards Dirk. “This is Dirk, my lil bro.”

Mr. Egbert approached Dirk. “Oh, yes. I believe I’ve heard you and John playing those computer games late at night. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, young man.” He extended his hand.

Dirk preferred fistbumps to handshakes, but the last thing he needed was for John’s dad to think ill of him. He took the man’s hand with a firm grasp. However, he flinched as soon as he did, body tensing from what felt like a shock.

Mr. Egbert chuckled, releasing Dirk’s hand and revealing a joy buzzer. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. John mentioned how serious you were most of the time.”

Dirk recoiled and folded his arms across his chest, frowning. “Hilarious.”

John came over and nudged Dirk in the side. “Haha, c’mon, Dirk! Dad didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a harmless prank!”

“Then why didn’t he get Dave?” Dirk asked.

Dave grinned. “Because I don’t have a stick up my ass.”

Mr. Egbert gave Dave a look of fatherly disapproval, which wiped the grin right off his face.

“Oh, uh, I meant behind,” Dave said.

“He uses obscenities all of the time,” Dirk said.

“Me and the lil man both swear like sailors,” Dave admitted, “but we’ll try to keep it PG tonight.”

Mr. Egbert softened. “Thank you for your consideration. While I realize we’re all adults, I normally refrain from using obscenities in my home. We went through a period where John had to put a quarter in the swear jar on a daily basis.”

“No kidding?” Dave glanced at John. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“John, you lil rapscallion,” Dirk teased, but he kept his tone deadpan. He figured the archaic word suited Mr. Egbert’s tastes.

John sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I just thought they sounded cool.”

“They’re rad AF, but they won’t make you into a dapper dude.” Dave flashed Mr. Egbert his million-dollar smile. “Anyway, lemme give you guys a proper tour of the place.” Before they even got going, however, he pointed out a rainbow colored flag over the couch in the living room. “Strider brothers say, ‘Gay rights.’”

Dirk’s shoulders tensed. Dave was testing Mr. Egbert right off the bat.

“So you two have an...alternative lifestyle?” Mr. Egbert asked, tilting his head slightly to the side as he examined the flag.

“You could say that,” Dave answered. “I’m bi, but Dirk’s as gay as they come.”

Dirk looked down at his shoes. He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality, but he felt awkward when Dave put everything out there so bluntly in front of John. He hardly ever cared about what people thought, but John’s opinions mattered. Hopefully, none of this made him too uncomfortable.

“Oh, well, that’s super,” Mr. Egbert said, smiling politely. “Growing up in a loving home is very important.”

Dave returned the smile. “Hell––err––heck yeah.”

Dirk glanced at John. He noticed some pink in his cheeks and how he fidgeted with his hands. The awkwardness raised to palpable levels. He wondered just what went through John’s head in that moment.

“Anyway, let’s get on with the rest of the tour,” Dave said, gesturing for them to follow.

Dave led the group around the modern, spacious, and minimalist penthouse. He narrated the entire tour. Of course, like Lava Java, the Strider brothers’ personalities shined through with quirky decor accenting the place. Smuppets found their way onto shelves here and there, and framed prints of their art adorned the walls. The penthouse had high ceilings with plenty of windows that offered breathtaking views of Huston. Dark hardwood floor ran below their feet. The living room and kitchen flowed well together with an open concept setting. Despite not doing much cooking, the kitchen came with high-end appliances and granite countertops.

Thankfully, Dave kept the showing of their bedrooms brief. They more or less poked their heads in. Dirk left out his smuppets, and Lil Cal also sat proudly on his bed, though he hid all traces of Rainbow Dash like a coward. They kept moving. The office space had DJ turntables and speakers, seeing as the Striders each had laptops and desks in their bedrooms. Dave soundproofed the room so they could drop ill beats day or night. They also graduated from their shitty rooftop skirmishes from back at their old apartment. They now had a dojo specifically for practicing kendo and working out.

Dave ended the tour by taking them to the rooftop. The luxurious swimming pool and hot tub almost made the stunning views of the Huston skyline seem secondary. Several plush lounge chairs and an outdoor couch added to the relaxing atmosphere. Dirk swam quite a bit for exercise. Dave more or less watched while he made phone calls from the lounge chair, but he still joined his brother every so often. He frequented the hot tub far more than Dirk, especially when Huston finally decided to cool down on fall and winter evenings.

Dave glanced at his Apple Watch. “Holy shi––schnikes. Look at the time. Mr. E, we gotta bounce. Extra breadsticks mean I need an extra hand for picking up our sumptuous OG takeout.”

Mr. Egbert chuckled. “Well, I’d be delighted. John, are you going to be alright?”

“Don’t worry. Dirk loves him,” Dave said.

Both Dirk and John got red in the ears.

Dirk shot Dave a death glare that he swore Dave could feel even through their shades. Dave wore an impish grin, looking unfazed. In fact, Dirk hadn’t seen his brother smile so much in a long time, and his gut told him those smiles weren’t just for Mr. Egbert’s benefit.

“Yeah, Dad, I’ll be fine. Geez,” John said.

“Then it’s settled. Let’s hit the road, Mr. E,” Dave said.

Mr. Egbert gave Dirk and John a final once over. “Be good, boys.” 

The two men headed off to the elevator together, leaving Dirk and John alone by the pool.

Dirk breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god they’re gone.”

John laughed. “Oh, man. You’re telling me. My dad’s just so embarrassing sometimes.”

“Maybe he views me as a bad influence.”

“Hehe, I think you’re safe. I’ve been gaming with my headphones, so he hasn’t heard your guttermouth,” John said.

“Oh.” The corner of Dirk’s lips twinged up slightly. Only John could make him feel halfway decent after such a shitshow.

John turned his gaze towards the pool. “So is it all ready to go?”

“Yeah, always,” Dirk said. “I actually built a rudimentary robot that maintains the saltwater levels and monitors the heater. He skims out debris, too. I dubbed him Cabana Bot 2000.”

John’s smile broadened. “Really? What’s the 2000 for?”

“A subtle, ironic nod to the new millennia. Some people lost their shit when 2000 hit,” Dirk answered. “I keep him in that utility closet back there.” He pointed it out behind his back with his thumb. “He’s charging now since he was on pool patrol right before your visit.”

“That’s awesome!” John exclaimed. “I wanna see him in action sometime.”

“Hang tight.”

Dirk walked over to the utility closet and punched in a keycode. He installed the extra security himself. Once it opened, he took out a small robot. It had a round head, square body, and stout legs. It also wore a pink dress shirt that looked fresh out of Florida, complete with a flamingo on it. He carried it over to John, booting him up and setting him on his feet.

The robot’s circular black eyes opened. He began speaking in a comically robotic tone. “Warning. Power level at fifteen percent. Please plug Cabana Bot in, so he can serve you with fabulous pool maintenance.”

“Whoa!” John’s jaw dropped. “I’ve never seen anything like this!”

“He’s more impressive at full power,” Dirk said. “He’ll stay in standby mode until he reaches at least fifty percent.”

“Still!” John knelt down to be at eye level with Cabana Bot. “I can’t believe you’ve made a real life robot, dude.”

Dirk shrugged, though he could feel heat pooling in his cheeks. While he tried to act nonchalant, his heart swelled with pride over impressing John. “I’ve got plans to eventually build ones that can rap. I figured they would keep me sharp for going toe to toe with my big bro.”

John straightened up again. “You should! Clearly, you’re a genius at this.”

Dirk liked how John stayed focused on him. He even brought up Dave, but John seemed to have no interest in his big brother at the moment. He always wanted to be special to John.

Dirk inched a little closer. “I… I will. I’ll keep you updated on my progress. You’ll be the first to know.”

John beamed at him. “Heheh, good! I expect nothing less, Mr. Roboto.”

“...Domo,” Dirk said, voice coming out a tad softer than usual.

If real life could host anime moments, this would definitely be one of them. Here they were, shooting the breeze about robotics on a perfect autumn day, making references to the Styx song that left the band at odds. The sky was at golden hour. Orange, red, and pink hues cast off John, adding to his natural beauty. Dirk’s eyes zeroed in on his lips. They appeared so soft and pink. He wanted to kiss him now more than ever.

As Dirk shifted closer, John knelt down to get another look at Cabana Bot again. The sudden unexpected gap caused him to lose his footing. In the next instant, Dirk fell face-first into the pool, inadvertently splashing water onto John and Cabana Bot.

“Oh, geez!” John exclaimed, his happiness replaced with concern.

Dirk surfaced from under the water, wide eyed. He gasped. His sunglasses floated a little ways away from him in the water.

“Dirk! Are you okay?!”

“So much for gravity,” Dirk muttered under his breath. He cleared his throat, glancing at John. “I’m fine.” He probably looked like a drowned rat. He never felt so humiliated in his whole life.

“Do you need any help out of there?!”

Dirk grabbed his sunglasses and swam over to the stairs. “...No, I’m good. Would you mind grabbing me a towel, though? There’s some in the linen closet down the hall back inside.”

“You got it, buddy!” John dashed off to the elevator.

Dirk emerged from the pool. He took his iPhone out of his pocket. The water made it shut down and it wouldn’t turn back on. He dropped it onto one of the small end tables between two lounge chairs. He put his shades on the table, too. He stripped down to his boxers. The wet clothes only weighed him down and made him cold.

The elevator doors slid open. Dirk turned his head, expecting to see John carrying a warm towel. Much to his horror, he saw Dave with a towel. Mr. Egbert and John trailed behind him. This fall-in-the-pool situation became more dreadful with each passing moment.

Dave rushed over to Dirk’s side. “Holy shit, lil man!” He wrapped the towel around Dirk. “What happened? You feel okay?”

The way Dave babied him made Dirk want to crawl into a hole and die. “I got hot, so I took a lil swim.”

“No, really. What happened? You ain’t dizzy, are you?” Dave asked, putting his hands on Dirk’s shoulders. He looked him over. “You ate good earlier.” 

Dirk tensed. He never wanted attention like this. “I’m fine. I was just showing John the pool cleaning robot. The sun got in my fucking eyes and I wasn’t watching where I was going. That’s all.” He nudged Dave back and wrapped the towel tighter around himself.

“Huh.” Dave studied Dirk more. “You sure Cabana Bot didn’t go rogue and push you?”

The bit of humor from Dave indicated to Dirk that maybe he was done losing his shit. He sounded less emotional than a few moments ago, too. “CB’s not some robot movie cliche. Give him some more credit, man.”

Dave grabbed Dirk’s shades and dried them off with a small hand towel he had over his shoulder. Then he returned them to Dirk.

Dirk put the sunglasses back on and felt a little less exposed. He hated appearing weak. He managed to look at Dave, John, and Mr. Egbert. “Anyway, you can all go eat. I’ll come to dinner as soon as I put on some dry clothes.”

“Nonsense. We’ll wait for you, young man,” Mr. Egbert said with a polite smile, but the worry still shined through in his eyes.

Dave went over to the side of the pool and picked up Cabana Bot. “Mr. E’s right, bro. When you eat OG, you’re family. I’m not even gonna think about getting my breadstick on without you.” He went over to the utility closet and put the robot away.

“Yeah, I’m with Dad and Dave,” John said.

“Fine.” The response came out clipped. Dirk tried not to sound like a dick, but anger sometimes came in tandem with embarrassment. He led the way back to the elevator.

“Hey, don’t sweat it, man. I’ve had all kinds of lame accidents over the years,” John said. “Dad, remember when I tripped over my own feet last year getting off that wagon at the apple orchard?”

“Oh, yes. I remember, son. You gave me quite a scare,” Mr. Egbert said. “These things happen.”

Dirk nodded. He didn’t have it in him to reply verbally, but he appreciated how John tried to make him feel better all the same.

Together, the group took the elevator back down to the penthouse.

* * *

Dirk avoided eye contact during dinner. He hardly made a peep. The Olive Garden takeout tasted terrible to him, yet everyone else raved about the fake Italian food. Dave probably ate ten breadsticks on his own. Normally, Dirk would have counted the exact number so he could tease him, but tonight he just didn’t have it in him. He wished he could have skipped dinner. He wanted privacy. He wanted his bedroom. He wanted Lil Cal. He had already worried everyone enough, though. He would never look at the pool the same way again.

Over the course of the evening, Dave invited Mr. Egbert and John to come to Lava Java’s next open mic night. Mr. Egbert said he’d be delighted. He also told John he should play something on the piano for the occasion. John seemed a little embarrassed about the idea, but Dave’s encouragement sold him fast enough. Dirk had no idea John could play a musical instrument until now. He supposed there was plenty he didn’t know about John. Maybe he was deluding himself into thinking John was the love of his life. Maybe the infatuation would go away.

And yet he could never forget the way John made his heart beat so fast upon first meeting. He still had that effect on Dirk from doing the simplest things, like smiling. Whether he felt love or not, the feelings he had for John strayed far from the garden variety crushes in high school. They warmed the cockles of his heart, thawing the ice that formed around the organ. Even when he felt like a fool, John made him feel so alive.

If he ignored the feelings and did nothing, he’d regret it for the rest of his life.

Finally, Dirk piped up. He told them all how he wanted to perform at the next open mic night, too. He intended to rap, and he let the fact be known casually. However, only he knew the full extent of his budding machinations.

He refused to let John slip through his fingers.


	6. Moon River

Five full days. Dirk had five full days to prepare for Friday’s open mic night. Five full days to create a rap that told John exactly how he felt.

He set to work immediately, spending hours sitting at his desk and mumble rapping to himself. He also jotted down ideas for verses between ringing up customers at Lava Java. He practiced them whenever he was alone. Nothing sounded right, and he probably killed a whole goddamn tree in a matter of three days. He eventually decided to type up what he had on his laptop. While trashing documents on the computer didn’t have the same tangible effect, it made more sense this way with all of the revisions he went though.

On day four, Dave got him a new iPhone, which meant he could utilize the voice memos feature to play potential rhymes back to himself. With his knowledge of robotics, Dirk could have fixed the damn thing himself, but writing this love-letter of a rap to John consumed his entire being. He pulled a few all-nighters, doing all he could to beat the clock. Honestly, the behavior wasn’t a far cry away from how Dirk normally acted, given his restless nature. He carried more tension in his shoulders, though, and a certain desperation bled through his voice at the end of each late night.

He had rapped at open mic nights before, but he never prepared like this. He never created a rap for a specific occasion. He normally performed raps that he made for himself. Sometimes, he collaborated with Dave. Other times they battled for fun, which regulars of Lava Java thoroughly enjoyed. Regardless, they would do the same thing without an audience. Creating a rap solely for John felt different, and performing it in front of a crowd only added more pressure. While he only cared about what John thought in the end, all of those eyes would see him. They’d judge him. They’d either see him soar beyond the stars or crash flat on his face.

If worse came to worse, he could become a hermit in the apartment. With Dave being so affluent, he could sequester himself for the rest of his natural life, spending his remaining days and nights building smuppets and robots.

Day five came as fast as a bullet train. As Dirk sipped his orange soda in the break room at lunchtime, he stared at the latest version of his rap in the Notes app on his phone. His leg bounced up and down. He mouthed the words silently as he read them.

The door to the break room opened. Dirk’s gaze snapped up. His jaw dropped open a slight bit as his eyes saw none other than John, who sported Groucho Marx glasses over his regular ones. Was this some kind of fever dream?

“Hey!” John smiled and waved before pulling up a chair.

Dirk immediately locked his phone and pocketed it. “Sup.”

“You recognized me, even in my sweet disguise?” John asked.

A tiny half-smile twitched onto Dirk’s lips. “You almost had me there. You should’ve done a voice.”

John grinned. “Damn. Next time.” He took off the silly disguise, setting it on the table. “Dave said I could come back here and see you. I asked him where you were.”

That warm, bizarre, fuzzy feeling that belonged in saccharine young adult novels materialized in Dirk’s heart. “Oh… Well, you found me.”

“I guess I wanted to see how you were doing,” John said. “You’ve been kind of distant ever since the, uh…” He trailed off.

“The pool shitshow,” Dirk finished for him.

“Yeah.” John extended a hand and clapped Dirk on the shoulder. “Like I said, it’s really not a big deal. I’ve been a total klutz before, too.”

Dirk nodded. “I know.” In a perfect world, he never wanted to relive the moment when he fell in the pool. Maybe a few years would take the sting away. For now, he wanted to avoid that memory like the plague, so he changed the subject. “Nervous about tonight?”

“Boy, I’ll say,” John said with a laugh. “But Dave seems to believe in us. My dad’s over the moon, too. I haven’t done any piano recitals since middle school, so he’s really psyched.”

“I never knew you could play,” Dirk said. “Any reason why you took such a long hiatus?”

John shrugged, still all smiles. “To be honest, my teacher was kind of a bitch. The piano was her whole life. It was really annoying and sucked all the fun out of it.” He winked at Dirk. “Don’t tell my dad I dropped the ‘b word,’ or he’ll whip out the ol’ swear jar from storage.”

Dirk actually let out a chuckle. “Your secret’s safe with me. I’ll take it to the grave.” He paused for a moment, mulling over what John just told him. “Well, maybe tonight will rekindle your love for playing. Or did you never love the piano? Am I gonna have to help facilitate a break up?”

“I actually did think it was pretty fun. ...I used to play with my nana,” John said. He looked far away for a moment, like his mind went back to the memory. Both fondness and sadness showed in his eyes. “She taught me way before my teacher. She used to have this piano that was painted a really cool greenish-blue color, but, well…” He looked down, his smile becoming bittersweet. “It got sold after she passed.”

Without thinking, Dirk reached over and put a hand on top of John’s. “John… Words can’t express how sorry I am. That’s fucking awful.”

“It’s okay. It’s just… The medical bills got expensive towards the end, and she didn’t want to put it on anyone else,” John explained, his smile nearly breaking. “She was one tough cookie. God, I hate baked goods, but… That was the best way to describe her. Just the nicest and sweetest lady you’d ever meet, but she wouldn’t take shit from anyone. You would’ve loved her, Dirk.”

Dirk gave John’s hand an affectionate squeeze. “She sounded legendary. I wish I could’ve met her.”

John nodded. “Yeah, me too.”

For a while, neither one of them said a word. Dirk kept John’s hand. It just felt like the right thing to do despite Dirk rarely being physically affectionate with anyone. While his nerves kept rolling at a simmer, he wanted to support John however he could.

Finally, John gave Dirk’s hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. “Thanks, man.”

“Listening was the least I could do,” Dirk said. “Sometimes, it’s cathartic to talk about heavy stuff. All the same, I hope I didn’t bum you out too bad.”

John shook his head, managing a weak smile. “Nah, I feel better. I… I hadn’t really talked to anyone about my nana till now.”

The information gave Dirk an odd glimmer of hope. John confided in him about his nana. He didn’t talk to Dave about it. Maybe they did have something that went beyond John’s playful rapport with Dave. Maybe he wasn’t delusional. Maybe it wasn’t all in his head, even if John didn’t have the slightest clue.

“I’m honored, man,” Dirk said. “I’m always here for you. Even if the world were to burn down, just look me up. You have my number. Not even molten hot lava decimating the streets would stop me. I do have a hoverboard in the works, after all.”

John’s smile became a little fuller. “Good.”

Dirk glanced at his phone. “Fuck, my lunch break’s almost up.”

John looked around the table. “Did you even eat? A can of Orange Crush isn’t lunch, Dirk.”

Dirk downed the rest of the soda. He stood, nonchalantly tossing the into the recycle bin from a distance. “Don’t sweat it. I had a big breakfast. Dave stuffed me full of Eggos.”

John stood, too, pocketing his Groucho Marx glasses. “Geez, now you’ve got me hungry for waffles.”

Dirk sauntered over to the time clock and punched back in. “I’m sure your dad makes the good shit from scratch, with a waffle iron and everything.”

“You know it,” John said. “I don’t count waffles as a baked good since he’s not using the oven, like when he makes all of those dumb cakes.”

Dirk stepped over to the door. “Your birthdays must be a scream.”

“Bluuuh. A regular laugh riot. He bakes a cake for EVERY year, so next birthday I’m gonna have to stomach twenty-three of them,” he said. “Granted, they’re minis, but still… When’s it gonna stop? He ended up giving most of them away to our old neighbors in the past, but now that we’re new to the area… Well, you and Dave are probably gonna both end up with stomach aches the week of my birthday.”

“Hell yeah. Bring on the obscene amounts of cake,” Dirk said, opening the door. “I’m ready for some supremely saccharine shit.”

John headed out. “Seriously, you guys are gonna get sick of cake, too.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Dirk said as they made their way back to the front. They stopped a little before they reached the coffee bar. “Anyway, I’ll see you wreck shit later tonight. You’re gonna get a standing ovation.”

John chuckled. “Haha, yeah right! I’m just gonna be playing some old song from this dumb movie my dad likes. But hey… If you stand and clap after my thing, I’ll stand and clap after yours.” He extended a hand towards Dirk. “Do we got a deal?”

Dirk’s heart skipped a beat. John had no idea what he had in store for him. Nevertheless, he took John’s hand, giving it a firm shake, grateful for the lack of a fucking joy buzzer. “Deal. But know this: I won’t hold it against you if you don’t give me a standing ovation.”

“What?” John asked curiously. “C’mon, I don’t care if it’s even more nerdy than one of Dave’s raps. I’ll bet it’s gonna be fine.”

Dirk shrugged despite how his heart pounded even faster in his chest. “We’ll see.”

* * *

  
  


At 5:30, a pale blonde entered Lava Java, holding hands with a woman with dark hair. Both of them wore elegant gothic dresses. Dirk recognized them instantly.

“Hello, Dirk,” Rose said with a small smile. “Dave told us that you and your friend are performing tonight.”

“Yes,” Kanaya said. “We wanted to show our support.”

“Well, he wasn’t lying,” Dirk replied. He didn’t smile, but he didn’t sound as cold as usual. “It’s dope to see you both.”

Dave waltzed over from the back. He went between Rose and Kanaya, throwing his arms around their shoulders. “If it ain’t my favorite lesbians. How the fuck are you?”

Kanaya frowned at the sudden affection, but the small smile stayed on Rose’s lips.

“Hello, Dave. Out of all the bisexuals, you radiate exceptional flagrant versatility in your non-discriminating tastes and are who I’m most partial to,” Rose said. “We’re both doing well. I met a recent deadline, and Kanaya is busy designing a wedding dress for a client.”

“Sick,” Dave replied, leading the ladies further inside. “C’mon, lemme show you to your table.”

Dirk watched them head off near the stage. He pulled out his phone and looked over his rap.

At a quarter to 5, John and Mr. Egbert arrived. Dave greeted them and showed them over to the table he reserved for their party, which was where Rose and Kanaya sat. They had the best view in the house, with the table being the closest one to the stage. Dirk was the last person to join the group at the table.

Open mic night began at 6 PM, as it always did, with Dave hosting as the MC. However, as Dirk watched Dave welcome the first guest onto the stage, he knew his life would soon change. Only a few acts stood between him confessing his love to John in front of everyone.

At the table, Mr. Egbert sipped on a cappuccino while Dirk drank an Americano with an extra shot of espresso. The ladies drank chai tea. John just drank a cold glass of water, claiming he didn’t need to be any more jittery from extra caffeine. In all of his visits to Lava Java, Dirk learned that John also liked peppermint mochas in addition to hot apple ciders. He wasn’t big on coffee, especially when they weren’t fancy, yet he came here all the time. Dirk found that fact adorable.

Dirk eyed the case and a small bag John had under their feet. He knew his keyboard and stand must have been in there.

“Hey,” Dirk whispered. He leaned in across the table while Dave introduced a poet. “I’ll help you set up.”

John smiled. “Yeah? Awesome.”

Honestly, Dirk could barely focus on the other acts. He glanced at the stage. He heard what they said, but he wasn’t really listening. John just captivated him so. The little life he built so far with him teetered on the verge of change. He wanted to believe in that rare glimmer of hope. He wanted to believe in all the silly Disney brand fairytale ideals that John made real.

Dirk joined in the applause mechanically after each act. Soon. He would go on very soon.

He had to face the music.

Naturally, he’d given Dave’s sign-up sheet a once over. He knew damn well John went on right before him.

“Alright, alright. Next one’s a regular here at Lava Java, but a virgin to open mic night, so let’s get him the fuck ready to pop that cherry,” Dave said, giving John his million-dollar smile. 

“Oh, my,” Mr. Egbert whispered, wrinkling his nose at Dave’s colorful language.

John and Dirk got up from their seats. Dirk noticed how John’s hands shook, so he picked up the keyboard and the bag with his stand for him.

The small crowd started clapping with a few scattered good-natured whoops. As John went towards the stage, Dirk followed him like a protective shadow. Upon reaching the stage, Dirk helped John unpack and set up his keyboard with the stand. He noticed the instrument’s teal color. Once everything was squared away, Dirk took his seat again.

Dave lowered the mic a little for John. “Folks, give it up for John,” he said before leaving the stage.

John took a couple of tentative steps towards the microphone. “Uh, hello everyone.” He gave a shy wave. “It’s, um, good to be here with you all tonight. I’m gonna be playing ‘Moon River,’ that totally cheesy song from a movie way before my time.”

The comment earned a few laughs from the crowd.

Dirk, however, stared at John, eyes growing wide from behind his pointy triangular sunglasses.

“Anyway, hope you enjoy!” Without further ado, John took a seat behind the keyboard with excellent posture. His fingers started to press on the keys, playing a slow, familiar melody with a warm accompanying harmony. Dirk watched the way his fingers moved across the keys, and he thought of two people waltzing. 

Even though he’d been nervous introducing himself, John looked to be in his element while he played. Dirk studied John’s face, noting the dreamy smile on his lips and the sparkle in his eyes. He wondered if John imagined he was playing in some cozy living room with his nana, rather than performing in front of all these people at Lava Java.

Of course, Dirk’s mind circled back to one of Dave’s hour-long monologues from about three weeks ago. While Dirk never felt those chills Dave spoke of while watching the “Moon River” scene in _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ , he felt them now when John performed the song. This moment… As much as Dirk hated to admit it, it felt magical. He thought of My Little Pony. He pictured a unicorn galloping through a misty night, with only faint glimmers of the moonlight to guide her. He imagined her braving the elements when the weather turned stormy.

When the rain clouds parted, and the sun came out in a clear patch of sky, he thought of the unicorn running towards a rainbow. He imagined her finding a pegasus along the way. Both of them ran together towards the same rainbow’s end.

In a sense, magic was real. He realized that now. So was fate. This had to be the universe giving him a sign. He knew what he had to do. He made a few last-minute revisions in his head to the rap he’d agonized over for the last five days.

John finished playing “Moon River.” As promised, Dirk rose to his feet in the wake of his quiet epiphany. He started clapping. Soon, others joined him in giving John applause, and their entire table ended up standing.

Dave took the stage again. “Holy shit, John. That was fucking beautiful.” He gave John a quick one-armed bro hug.

John blushed, chuckling. “Haha! Glad you liked it, man.”

For once, Dirk felt no jealousy. He went back to the stage to help John take down his stuff. “Way to go, dude. You nailed it.”

“Gosh, you think so?” John let out a nervous laugh. “Phew! I’m just glad I didn’t put everyone to sleep.”

Dave adjusted the microphone again. “Yo, when these two finish, my baby bro’s gonna take the stage. Y’all know him well. He’s a permanent fixture here.”

“Whoo! Alright, Dirk!” Hope called out from the crowd, which earned a few more whoops, laughs, and applause.

John took his case and keyboard equipment once Dirk helped him pack it all up. “Thanks again for your help. Knock ‘em dead.” He went back to the table.

“Alright, last act of the night. Put your hands together for Dirk, everyone,” Dave said, gesturing to his brother.

The small crowd clapped some more. Dave left the stage.

Dirk approached the microphone. Even while looking out at the sea of faces, he still focused on John. He took the mic off the stand. “Sup. Get ready to get your shit wrecked.”

Ironically, this was the fluffiest rap he ever wrote. He didn’t even come up with any ill beats to rap to, considering how much trouble he had with the lyrics. However, Dirk had reached his fuck-it point. He’d die with more regrets if he bitched out and never told John how he felt. Did he have to profess his love in front of a small crowd? No. But there was no dialing down the intensity now. 

Gathering his courage, Dirk started to rap.

“Yo, this one goes out to my main man John.

He’s this cute dude who I’ve been waiting on.”

He gestured towards John with his freehand. Even with the spotlight shining on him, Dirk noticed how John’s face turned red. Nevertheless, he continued, walking the small stage while his heart hammered away.

“Get a load of him, sitting right there in his chair.

He looks hella fresh with his windswept hair.

Just take a minute to stop and stare. And you’ll see.

If this were the 18th century, I’d be spouting a noble decree.

Telling ‘em all, from the laymen to the founding fathers: ‘My god! Take a gander at John! Dude’s the fucking bee’s knees!’”

Dirk gestured at John again. To his surprise, he earned a few whoops. Some women in the crowd were really losing their shit over this. Not his Aunt Rose, though. She wore a grin like the fucking Cheshire Cat, while Kanaya smiled in a much more reserved way.

“But there ain’t no time like the present.

And somehow I doubt we met on accident.

You see, John doesn’t know it, but he’s been yanking me from my nihilist ways.

He’s making me believe in shit like fate, more and more with each passing day.”

Dirk felt the heat rising to his own face. He glanced at Dave out of the corner of his eye, who encouraged him with a fucking wolf whistle of all things. His knees wobbled for a moment, but he regained his composure. His grip tightened around the mic.

“Now, I’m not normally about quoting T Swift.

But lemme say this real quick:

John, why can’t you see?”

Dirk paused. His free hand went to his face. He took off his ironic anime sunglasses, clipping them to the front of his shirt. The crowd went silent. He stared at John, amber eyes bright and teeming with emotion. He extended a hand towards him, reaching out to John from across the room.

“You belong with me.”

The small crowd erupted with applause. John stared back at Dirk, shocked. His hand clutched his shirt, right over his heart. His face was stained beet-red. His mouth was agape. Dirk struggled to gauge the response. He assumed the worst. Rapid fire thoughts began burning in his head. John had to be horrified. He probably embarrassed him in front of all these people. Magic was fake as hell. Everything happened inconsequentially and randomly. And he was just a fool in love. It was going to hurt. It was going to be awkward as fuck.

However, he held onto that glimmer of hope. Maybe he wouldn’t scare John away. Even if John felt no romantic feelings towards him, maybe he’d still come to the cafe. Maybe they’d still be friends.

Dave returned to the stage and clapped Dirk on the shoulder. He took the mic from him. “Just when I think I have you figured out… Goddamn, lover boy. That took some balls.”

Dirk put his shades back on. “John probably hates me,” he muttered under his breath.

Dave gave Dirk a one-armed bro hug, but he lingered. “That ain’t fucking possible,” he whispered, patting him on the back. “If he does, he’s an idiot. All the same, I’m hella proud of you, lil man.”

For a moment, Dirk looked as tense as a cat that had just been dunked in water. Then he relaxed just a little, returning Dave’s hug. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

As Dave spouted out some bullshit on stage about thanking everyone for the great turnout, Dirk made a beeline for John. He saw him fidgeting with his hands, eyes glued to the table. Mr. Egbert gave Dirk a polite smile.

Before anyone could say anything, Dirk spoke up. “Yo, John. A word?”

“Y-Yeah,” John said. He shot up, bumping into the table a little.

Dirk put his hand on John’s shoulder and guided him off to a secluded corner. “...Look, I don’t expect you to feel the same way. It’s cool.”

“It’s not that. It’s just…” John rubbed the back of his neck. He managed to look Dirk in the eye. “Gosh, I just… I really had no idea you felt that way until you started rapping.”

“Man, I’ve simped for you since day one.”

John giggled. “Ew, gross. Don’t say it like that.”

“I just want to know where we go from here. How we proceed,” Dirk said. “I couldn’t keep that shit inside for much longer. I’ve never felt this way.”

“I never have either,” John said. “Or at least I don’t think I have. I don’t know. I’ve never tried dating. Never really gave it much thought, to be honest with you.”

Dirk wondered then if he misread the whole John-Dave situation. Maybe John had just been really stoked on having Dave as a real life friend. “...You don’t have a crush on Dave?”

“Wh-What?!” John asked. He genuinely looked taken aback. His flushed face became even redder. “I-I don’t think so? Or maybe I did?” He raised his hands defensively, gesticulating with them. “Like I said, none of that stuff has ever been on my radar. Dave’s cool and all, but… But that’d be just so weird! He’s so old!”

Dirk gauged the response. He concluded that John really was just that innocent, unlike Britney Spears. “How about us? Would that be weird?”

John’s hand went to his chin, rubbing it as he thought about the idea. “I mean… Maybe a little? But not in a bad way. Does that make any sense?” He met Dirk’s gaze. “I gotta admit you make me feel weird. But in a good way, because normal can be sort of boring. And I also gotta say that… Well… I felt pretty special when you took off your dumb, pointy anime shades in front of all those people... Just for me.”

Rather than take offense to the shades comment, Dirk actually smiled. “You have terrible tastes, so you like me.” His hand found John’s shoulder again. He felt confident in that assertion, even with the self-deprecating humor. “It’s okay. I’ll watch _Con Air_ with you.”

“H-Hey!” John pouted, but then he broke out into a laugh. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, Mr. Smarty-Pants.” He put a hand on Dirk’s hip. “So let’s give this dating thing a whirl. What do you say?”

Dirk took off his shades and clipped them to the front of John’s shirt. “Words fail me.” Probably ironic, considering the whole love confession he made ten minutes ago in rap form, but he meant it. No words could ever quite articulate how he felt about John. “What I’m feeling for you now… It’s best summed up like this.”

With one hand on John’s shoulder, and the other cupping his warm cheek, Dirk tilted his head and leaned in. He brought his lips to John’s. He shut his eyes, kissing him softly. To his delight, John kissed back. His lips felt so much softer than in any steamy ablutions fantasy.

“Fuck yeah! They’re together!” Dave announced, dorky excitement penetrating his usual cool guy voice. He started clapping.

Dirk and John both jumped, breaking apart, their faces equally flushed.

More applause followed from nearby patrons. Quite a few people still milled about the cafe despite there only being a half hour until closing time.

“John, welcome to the fam,” Dave said, extending his fist for a fistbump. 

John giggled. “Happy to be a part of it, Dave. Oh, my god. I’m gonna make Dirk watch so many movies.”

“Hey, can’t a couple of dudes get their kissing on in fucking peace?” Despite the harsh words, Dirk kept smiling.

In his heart, Dirk knew he would find his way with John. No mountains or valleys would stand in their way. Wherever they were going, they would cross Moon River together someday in fucking style.


End file.
